Dutiful Daughters
By Francine Kaplan
Becoming your parents' parent?
How to find the support you need to care for your aging parents.
The American Society on Aging reports that in the 22.4 million households providing care to those age 50 and over, 72 percent of the caregivers are women, typically adult daughters. Joy Loverde, author of The Complete Eldercare Planner: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help (Three Rivers Press, 2000), says once you start actively looking for caregivers you will see possibilities everywhere. She suggests starting conversations with people caring for the elderly at parks, grocery stores or churches. Often they will have family members or friends in the same line of work. Trust officers at banks and hospice care workers are aware of caregivers who have recently become available. Loverde advises that you think in terms of hiring a team. "It's outdated thinking to focus on a single caregiver," she explains. "One person might be a companion, another run errands and a third handle medical dealings."
Creative Ways to Find Help:
- Ask at local colleges and nursing schools about students who need extra cash or free room and board.
Ask bank trust officers and hospice care workers if they know of good caregivers that have recently become available.
Talk to caregivers you see helping the elderly in public places. They often have friends or family that do the same work.
Check with Catholic or private school secretaries, who might know of mothers who have free hours during the day.
Ask adult daycare centers if they can recommend any available caregivers.
Call senior employment agencies and temp agencies that often have specific listings for people age 65 and over.
Check local senior centers for retirees who are looking for light work.
Put up flyers in the neighborhood, YWCA, supermarkets and libraries.
Take out an ad in the local newspaper.
Call au pair and nanny agencies.
Broadcast your needs to relatives, friends, medical professionals, nurses and office workers and enlist them in your search.
Let a geriatric case manager hire someone for you.
Checklist for Care A few things to keep in mind:
- Make sure to carefully assess your parents' needs. Do they need emotional support, social companionship, physical care, household help, assistance with mobility, help with personal hygiene, or tracking of doctor visits and medication?
- Write as detailed a job description for a caregiver as you would when hiring someone at the office. Include pay scale, character traits that reflect your parents' values, exact tasks, qualifications and experience.
- If running an ad, use an answering machine or P.O. box for replies. You can talk with candidates on your schedule; or, if you get an answer from someone who doesn't sound right, you don't have to waste time talking with them or calling back.
- Keep updates of: names and numbers of all doctors and their telephone nurses; addresses and phone numbers of hospitals where your parents might go or be taken; phone number of your parents' pharmacy and pharmacist; medications your parent takes (name, dosage and doctor who prescribed it); living wills; insurance information; birth certificate; and power of attorney
MORE - Resources: Where to Go For Help>>
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